


Always Remember Us This Way

by prcttyodd



Category: A Star is Born (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, I regret this, Sad, Songfic, canon ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 15:19:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16856443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prcttyodd/pseuds/prcttyodd
Summary: Ally will never be able to forget him.[Post-Canon ending][Short Story]





	1. “every time we say goodbye, baby it hurts”

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of this as I was taking a shower while listening to the soundtrack. Enjoy my angsty word vomit.

It was hard at first. Of course it was. All of it.

Not only was she dealing with the grief that came with losing the person that she loved and adored more than anyone in this world, but it felt almost as if people couldn't stop bringing it up around her. They didn't care if it was a sensitive topic, it seemed. 

"Ally, How soon do you think you're going to get married again?" 

"Is it true that you and your manager have a thing going on?" 

"Will you be selling Jackson's possessions?" 

It was typical media, she supposed. But it didn't make it any easier to deal with. She never answered them, just walked by, but they never stopped persisting. The rumors never stopped. The harassment. 

She began to isolate herself. She told Rez that she wouldn't be able to tour for awhile, an argument ensued, but he decided to let her be for awhile. 

She would sit inside her house, alone, not speaking to anybody, wishing that Jackson was there. She would pull out the pages of songs he wrote, reading them and running her hands over the handwriting. She sometimes felt like he was there, sitting at the piano, watching over her. At least, that was what he had wished. 

Everything around was a reminder of him. She couldn't bring herself to get rid of any of his stuff. It wasn't healthy, she knew that, but she couldn't imagine herself functioning in any other way. 

She knew that it wasn't her fault, but she wished that there was SOMETHING that she could have done. She should've known from how he was acting earlier that night. She should've known that something like this would've happened. 

Ramon stayed with her for a bit, but even that couldn't help distract her mind. Jackson Maine was everywhere she looked, he was always on her mind. 

"I miss you." She whispered, trying to convince herself that he could somehow hear her, and that he was somehow here with her. 

She just wished that she could've said goodbye. 

XX 

Denial lasts a while. Ally was starting to learn that. She just couldn't accept that her husband was actually GONE. That he would never be back. 

There were times that she swore that she saw him. That she heard him. But she knew that it was all in her mind. 

Jackson Maine was dead. She was never going to hear his voice again, never get his little reassurances whispered in her ear, would never hear him tell her how beautiful she looked. 

She was never going to hear him sing again, she was never going to be able to hear the beautiful way that he strung words together ever again. 

She would sit for hours staring at the wall, her mind replaying all of the memories with Jackson in her head. It was painful, and she had to try and find another way to distract herself. Just not yet. 

XX 

Charlie seemed to be taking things just as hard as she was. 

The dog was always a sweetheart, but he was especially sweet in a time like this. 

She wondered if he knew exactly what was going on. She knew that he knew that Jackson wasn't around, but she wondered if he could tell from her hurt what had actually happened to him. 

"You miss daddy, don't you? So do I." She sniffled, pulling him in close. Even the dog reminded her of Jack. The way he would play outside with him, the way he held him in his arms, it was all almost too much. 

Suddenly, Charlie shot up from where he was sitting, and ran towards the piano. 

Ally followed, not sure what the reasoning was behind this sudden outburst. 

The dog was jumping around the piano, sniffing and occasionally barking. 

"What is it?" She asked, confused as all hell. In response, Charlie just turned to her and barked again. 

All of a sudden, all of the papers on the stand flew off, as if on cue. Was this supposed to be a sign? 

She stared at it for a few seconds, then looked back down at Charlie. 

Maybe she and the dog were on the same page after all. 

XX 

It was time. She knew it. 

She had called over Ramon, for emotional support, and also to make sure that she didn't back out. 

"I just... I don't feel right packing up all of his things. I can't get rid of them just yet, but putting them away will help, I guess..." 

Her friend pulled her in for a hug. "Babygirl, it'll be okay. I'm here to help you. If you need to take a few minutes, just let me know. It's good that you're doing this. It's a step in the right direction." 

She hugged back, feeling the need to cry yet again. "I just... I just miss him so much. Not a day has gone by where I haven't." 

"I know, I know. He wouldn't want you to be upset, though. He would want you to be happy. He loved you." 

"Why didn't he leave me a note? Why didn't he even give any reason why?" 

"We'll never know what was going on in his head in that moment. I know you wish that you did. But there's nothing you can do. I wish that this didn't have to happen, either. But don't blame yourself." 

"It's just... so hard." She cried out, beginning to sob silently, her entire body shaking violently. 

She cried for a few minutes, and as she did she wondered: do people ever run out of tears? Everyday, she cried until her body ached, until her eyes were burning and sore. She felt as if all she did was cry. 

As she put all of Jackson's things in boxes, she had to fight off the guilt that was threatening to succumb her. This had to be done. She couldn't live like this anymore, setting herself up for misery each day. 

"I'm sorry." She said out loud as everything was finished. The house looked so empty, so lifeless. But then again, it felt the same way without Jackson. 

She whispered one last final "Goodbye." in the air, what she had wished she could've at least had the chance to say before. 

And oh god, did it hurt.


	2. “i don’t wanna be just a memory”

“Of course, here’s the question on everyone’s mind. On your set list now, you’ve implemented some of his songs, and have started singing his parts. Is this a permanent thing?” The interviewer asked, and Ally knew that the question would arise eventually. 

There was no way that she was ever going to forget him. She knew that she would have to move on eventually, even if she felt she never wanted to, but even then, Jackson wasn’t just someone that could be forgotten. 

There was no way that she was going to allow him to be forgotten, either. That was why she had done it. His legacy was something that she was going to let get swept under the rug. 

She had finally decided to go back on tour and perform some more, her fans and her music being the only things keeping her going anymore. She performed every show as if Jackson was right there in the audience watching her, and that always helped her push through. 

“Yes, it likely will be. Jackson may be gone, but he’s forever going to be alive in my heart. He’s a big part of who I am today, in fact, I wouldn’t even be out there performing every night if it weren’t for him. So, I feel like these things are parts of him that I feel deserve to be kept around.” 

XX 

Ally loved feeling inspired to create. She loved getting new ideas. But this time, there was a bit of pain mixed in with the beauty of writing a song. 

As she poured her heart out onto the page, tears fell out of her eyes. 

In these words was her sorrow and her hurt, and how much she missed her Jack, and they couldn’t help but pour out of her. She had finished the song that he has written part of for her, and began to perform it regularly as well. It was painful, but it was truly so beautiful. 

She didn’t know how many of these songs would ever see the light of day. She didn’t know if she was ready for the world to hear any of this yet. But at the same time, she wanted the world to hear it as well. 

XX 

The hype from the first record was dying down. The fans were hungry for yet another one already. She knew that this was going to happen, that as soon as she began to go back out and perform again, they would want something more. 

“I want this one to be dedicated to Jack. This is going to be a tribute to him.” She had said, and she meant it. 

The reception to her performing Jack’s music and his parts was quite positive, despite what she had thought before. The fans had loved Jackson, despite what everyone else around her had thought. 

He was the most talented person to her, his personal life and illness didn’t mean he wasn’t any good anymore. He has started to lose his spark, but he was gaining it back again. He was falling in love with music again. She wished she could’ve known why that wasn’t enough, and the real reason behind what he had done. 

She knew that he had his demons, but he deserved to clear them up. He deserved to live his best life. And he was starting to get there again, why did he let it slip? 

They could have been on tour right now, together. 

Sure, some things had happened when it came to him within the early days of her career that could be deemed as messy, but the fans still adored and loved hearing Jackson sing with her nonetheless. 

That was just one of the many things she wished that she could have told him.


	3. “i’ll always remember us this way”

“Ally! It’s so great to see you back out, doing great things like you do! First thing, Tell us a bit about your new record, I feel as though most of us know exactly what it’s about, but for those who don’t?” 

“It’s for Jackson Maine. I wrote every word, every note, with him in mind. This is my love letter to him that I wish he could’ve heard, that I wish he could’ve seen me perform.” 

It was less painful than usual for her to talk about him. Writing this new record was heartbreaking at times, but it was something that she couldn’t just NOT share with the world. 

She dug into her soul, just as Jack has told her before. This was just what she wanted to create, what she felt had to be heard. 

She was never going to forget about Jackson Maine and all that he had done for her, there was always going to be a part of him within her. 

Every night when she performed, she sang the words that she had written with everything in her, hoping that the world understood how great of a man Jack actually was, and how much he had done for her. She missed him so much, and she started to move forward with her life, she didn’t want to leave him in the dust. 

“Tonight, as well as every other night, I will be honoring someone very special to me. Without him, I don’t know where I’d be right now. He may be gone, but I’ll always remember him. And I hope you all will too. He didn’t deserve to just be another number, another statistic. Everybody, tonight we are here to honor Jackson Maine, my husband, the person who always believed in me. The one that helped me get to the place that I am standing in right now. With all of your help, we can get through these songs and honor him as he should be.” 

The crowd erupted into applause, and she felt tears well up in her eyes. She wiped them away, she couldn’t cry during her set. She knew was likely to at some point, but she didn’t even start singing yet. 

“See, Jack. Everybody loves you. I’ll always life you too. I wish you could be here right now, singing right next to me. Always remember us this way, remember that?” She said into the wind just before she began to sing, wondering if he was here watching her right now. She knew it sounded crazy. But she didn’t care. To her, Jackson was out there somewhere. 

She hoped that he was proud of her.


End file.
